Preparation for Marriage
Umm Juwayriyah discusses the necessary preparations for
married life, beyond the dress and the henna…
‘It’s the rest of your life – be prepared!’
The announcement of your wedding is indeed a time of celebration, with everyone
from your parents to your extended family and friends and prospective in-laws
showering you with an abundance of love and good wishes.
Often, it seems that once you’ve purchased the perfect wedding dress and
collected the prettiest accessories to go with it, and have the right sister on
stand-by, ready to beautify your skin and hair, the only thing left to do is to
wait for that big day to arrive so that you can sign the marriage contract and
live happily ever after.
But have you given any thought to what will happen the day after that very
contract is signed? What about the weeks, months and year which will, insha
Allah, follow your big day?
Allah says in the Qur’aan (the English meaning):
“And that man can have nothing but what he strives for.” (Surah An-Najm:39)
So although it’s really exciting to plan a wedding, and there is absolutely
nothing wrong with focusing on ensuring that this special occasion goes
smoothly, it is imperative for you as a Muslim woman to also start preparing for
the realities of married life which often set in soon after the big day.
There are various ways in which you can prepare yourself:
Of course, the first step is to educate yourself about the role of a Muslim
wife, as well as the rights of both spouses by reading passages from the Qur’an
as well as authentic ahadith. The stories of the wives of the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم)
as well as his female companions (RA) can also provide you with a good
foundation in this subject insha Allah.
It is also a good idea to talk to sisters in your community who are known to
have built good, strong and lasting marriages with their spouses, and who can
share some valuable words of wisdom with you. Don’t be shy or nervous about
requesting their help as they are your sisters in Islam and will be happy to
advise you, insha Allah.
You can even take this a step further by asking one of these sisters to be your
‘mentor’ in areas of marriage regarding which you know she has a good level of
knowledge, like cooking, child-rearing, or even just having a positive and
optimistic attitude towards marriage. This way, if an unexpected situation
arises and you need to turn to someone for help, you’ll know that your trusted
‘mentor’ is there to advise you.
We often hear marriage counsellors and family therapists emphasizing the
communication aspect of a marriage. Communication between spouses is of crucial
importance, but don’t forget that it’s important to share your expectations of
each other and other important information before you take the plunge too. This
can easily be done through your wali or wakeel. Don’t underestimate the
importance of this, as lasting marriages are often based on much more than
physical attraction and financial status. If you don’t know what your
prospective husband expects from you, then you won’t know how to prepare
yourself for the marriage, or what to strive for (and vice versa of course!)
‘Marriage isn’t a bed of roses’ is how the saying goes: with its beautiful
petals and sweet scent must surely come sometimes painful thorns.
However, the intention you make upon embarking on your married life can make all
the difference in the manner in which you will handle what will come your way.
Make the niyyah that you are marrying your husband-to-be for the sake of Allah,
to aide you in worshipping Him, and insha Allah the bad days won’t seem that
bad.
“Indeed he who fears Allah, and is patient, then surely Allah makes not the
reward of the doers of good to be lost.” (Surah Yusuf: 90)
Getting married is a step in a wonderful direction. Through good Muslim
marriages families are brought together and society is protected from much harm
that can result from men and women living a single life.
Mabrook on your marriage! Alhamdulilllah that Allah has made it possible for you
to complete this half of your deen: relish it!
This lovely article was graciously donated to
MeetMuslimSingles.com by:
