Finding bliss in your Marriage
By Sumayya Meehan dispenses sound advice on how to get the most out of
married life
One of the most rewarding things in this life is a
happy marriage. Achieving the right marital balance
takes a lot of hard work and commitment from
both the husband and wife. As a Muslim wife, you can
reap innumerable benefits by actively cultivating bliss
in your marriage. The first benefit is that you will
please Allah. Secondly, you will find a more loving and
attentive audience with your spouse.
There are several ways that you as a wife can create
bliss in your marriage:
Prioritize- Put your marriage first above all other
things. By doing so, you will find that other parts of
your life will be easier to put in place. Marriage serves
as a foundation from which we can draw strength and
it makes other life goals easier to achieve. “Learn
about Islam so you know what your obligation and
duties are as a wife and also which rights your
husband owes you,” advises Umm Yusuf Sulaiman who
is a stay-at-home mom to two boys in South Carolina.
Focus on the Good- It’s easy to focus on the
negative aspects of a marriage especially when daily
life can be so stressful. Try to focus on the positive:
“Be content with living within your means, don't
berate your husband and complain about what other
women have,” says Umm Yusuf Sulaiman.
“And don't constantly complain
about the small things he does
wrong. Look for his good points.” By
focusing on the good points you will
be more content with the man you
married, which in turn will make him
more content with you!
Be Kind - Kindness is one of the
most precious gifts that a human
being can give to another. 'A'isha
reported that the Prophet
Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, "Whenever
kindness is in a thing it adorns it, and
whenever it is removed from
anything, it disfigures it." (Muslim).
Being kind to your husband can work
wonders for any marriage. And best
of all, it’s contagious!
Make a list of things you can do to
show your own husband how much
you care about him. “I look into my
husband’s likes and do them as best I
can,” says Halimah Bint David who is
an author and mother of three in
Virginia. “I think it is best to find five
or so things that your husband really
enjoys and work to make yourself
indispensable to him by doing them
daily if possible as your routine.”
Halimah also recommends
investigating your husband’s cultural
background to find ways to please
him. “My husband is Cambodian
and is a very big rice eater so I make
sure I have lots of freshly cooked
rice for him when he comes home,”
says Halimah.
“Also he is older and works physically
so I massage him daily if possible.”
Halimah also always makes sure the
house is clean and that the kids are
in order before her husband comes
home. There are so many ways you
can use kindness as a tool to keep
your marriage going strong.
Get advice from other sisters and
even use the Internet to keep
your acts of kindness interesting and
not mundane.
Show Appreciation- Husbands
do carry a significant weight on their
shoulders in terms of financially
supporting their families. It is of
paramount importance that you
show your gratitude for all his efforts.
He who does not thank the people,
does not thank Allah so Halimah says,
“I do my best to thank my husband
as much as possible whenever he
gives any type of charity to me or the
family or when he does something
nice for me.”
Instill the values of gratefulness in
your children and insist that they
show gratitude to their father for
even the minutest things. The
appreciation your husband receives
will let him know that all his efforts
are seen and not falling by the
wayside. The cycle of appreciation will
continue in that your husband will be
grateful for your admiration!
Redefine Your Marital Needs- Before
you even got married, you should
have set down clear expectations for
you marriage with your Wali who in
turn would have talked with your
prospective spouse.
However, it is never too late to
define, or redefine for that matter,
your marital needs. “Shared goals and
values are of the utmost importance,”
says Malak Muhammad, who is a wife,
mother and systems engineer from
Morocco. Communication is the key
to finding bliss in your marriage. If you
are not happy in the marriage or are
troubled by aspects of it, sit down
with your spouse and talk about it.
If need be, contact your Wali to act
as a mediator to help resolve any
outstanding issues. There is absolutely
no reason why you should be an
inactive or passive participant in your
marriage. Grab your marriage by the
‘horns’ and exhaust all measures to
ensure it succeeds.
Keep the Romance Alive-
Marital romance, typically, is not the
same romance as seen on TV or in
the movies. In marriage, romance is
quieter and sometimes hard to suss
out. “Have a realistic idea of what
marriage and relationships are about,”
advises Malak Muhammad. “Real love,
true and lasting love is BUILT,
developed over time and remains
due to mutual respect.” It is hard
work keeping a marriage running let
alone incorporating romance into the
mix, but it is possible.
So, your husband is not exactly
‘Prince Charming’ in a Dishdasha?
Set the example by initiating acts of romance first. In time, he will
learn from
your example what romance is all about. And don’t be shy to tell him what
things you would like for him to do to be more romantic. If you want a card
or a poem every few months, tell him! You only get what you ask for.
Stop, Look and Listen- Daily life can be a veritable
whirlwind of
activities ranging from dropping the kids off to school, running errands,
housework and a thousand other little tasks. In the endless blur of living,
your marriage pays the price in that it is the last thing on the list to be
cared for. Stop the insanity. Look for what areas of your marriage need
work. Listen to your spouse’s complaints about your marriage and take
stock of your own complaints. Make time to fix the broken areas of your
union to ensure it will stand the test of time. The Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم)
said: "The relationship between one faithful believer and another is like the
bricks of a wall, re-enforcing each other." While (saying that) the Prophet
clasped his hands (together) by interlacing his fingers.” (Bukhari)
Keeping An Eye On Anger- In any marriage, regardless
of which
spouse has more of a temper, anger represents fire. It can ‘burn’ your entire
home and marriage right down to the ground. “It is important to realize
that every marriage has both good days and bad days. Know that the bad
days will pass,” says Malak.
In the heat of the moment, it is hard
to step away from an argument.
Especially if your spouse is saying
inappropriate things to you and you
just want to throw the verbal abuse
back. “Islam encourages us to be
mindful of what we say and not to
exceed boundaries in our speech.
This keeps us from the irreparable
damage of saying things that cannot
be taken back,” says Malak.
Represent ‘water’ in your marriage
and walk away from each and every
argument. Over time, you will find
that your spouse will start walking
away too, which is best until the
anger cools down.
After angry feelings have dissipated,
you can both talk about the issue is
calm, levelheaded way. This will help
you resolve differences peacefully.
Open Your Heart – Marriage
truly is the journey of a lifetime. It will
bring you great joys as well as a few
sorrows along the way. Open your
heart to the experience and shower
your husband with all of the love in
your heart. “Talk to each other, have
fun, and don’t be so serious,”
recommends Candice S. Abdelrahim
who is a mom to 3 boys in Delaware.
“Say ‘I love you’ every day, make each
day a happy day,” she adds.
Once your heart is open you can really get to know your spouse and
become his best friend. “We like to have time that is just for us,
such as waking early for Fajr and sitting together afterwards to share
a coffee,” says Malak. “It is important not to let the ‘business’ of our
lives edge out time spent together so we can really know one another
and really talk as friends.”
It takes two to make any marriage work but by taking the initiative you
can start paving a path to complete marital bliss and you can set your
husband to work right by your side. Lay the first stone on your path by
loving yourself first. “Honor yourself. Take care of yourself physically and
pay attention to your appearance,” summates Malak, “How can someone
else love you if you don’t first love yourself?”
This lovely article was graciously donated to MeetMuslimSingles.com by:
